Is there any connection between these two stories I wonder?

Ashes of man who designed Pringles packaging found in crisp can.

and Kurt Cobain's ashes stolen.

Once again, I have returned from my self-imposed exile. I have finished exams, huzzah!

I return with encouraging news - there is something more incompetent than the Labour government. It doesn't appear to be of this world though:

"The crew of the international space station have been left with almost nowhere to go - because their only toilet is broken."

Hmmm....

Cory

This is superb:

'A British satirist has translated 15 of Shakespeare's classic plays into chav speak.

Martin Bauam's updated version of Hamlet reveals: "Dere was somefing minging in de State of Denmark."...

Mr Baum's other titles include Macbeff, Much Ado About Sod All, De 'Appy Bitches of Windsor, De Taming of de Bitch, Two Geezas Of Verona and All's Sweet That Ends Sweet, Innit...

Mr Baum's version of Romeo and Juliet sets the scene for the star-crossed lovers with: "Verona was de turf of de feuding Montagues and de Capulet families.

"And coz they was always brawling and stuff, de prince of Verona told them to cool it or else they was gonna get well mashed if they carried on larging it with each other." '

Maybe Gordon Brown could quote some of this to try and get the 'common touch'.

Cory

Continuing our sort-of theme of expensive foodstuffs, here is something I read in Metro yesterday:

"The world's most expensive cup of coffee has gone on sale in London – priced at a mere £50.

Seeming like a late April Fool but very much the real deal, the exclusive drink is sourced in part from cat droppings... 
 
Kopi Luwak, or Civet coffee, is made from beans eaten, partly digested, and then expelled by the Indonesian civet cat...
 

Civets, who live in the foliage of plantations across south east Asia, are said to pick the best and ripest coffee berries. Enzymes in their digestive system break down the flesh of the fruit before the animals expel the bean.

Workers collect beans from the plantation floor, wash away the dung and roast them."
 

Well, at least it's all for charity. I can't imagine that the taste would be improved by passing through a cat first, but that shows what I know. I am curious to try it, but cannot afford fifty quid a shot. Maybe I should get a group of ten together - that would only be a modest fiver each.

Stand by tomorrow for the story about the gourmet black pudding that costs fifteen grand...

Cory

And I'm talking about February 29th rather than a few minutes ago:

1) Hilary Clinton is even more of a ruthless, pathological liar than was previously thought. Still, my position still stands that Clinton would be a better President than McCain, and Obama would be a better President than both of them.

2) Nick Clegg is a sex god. Having talked to friends in the Lib Dems about the shenanigans that happen at their party conferences, this does not surprise me in the slightest.

3) Diana was not murdered in a conspiracy perpetrated by the entire British establishment. I don't want to dwell too much on this story; it's boring and unless you've been on Mars there's not much I can add for you anyway. The best thing to come out of all this might be the ruining of Paul Burrell's reputation, who has made too much money from knowing Diana for too long.

4) Moons can have wings too, apparently. Just ask Rhea.

5) Vietnam have banned hamsters. They cause disease, apparently. Even more disturbing is the fact that hamsters have been "a hit with the young population of Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City, spawning a whole sub-culture of hamster forums and hamster clubs". Hamster clubs?! Spooky.

6) Britain's immigration system is disgusting and disgraceful. And not because they let too many people in, but because the powers that be seem intent on sending people back to their deaths.

7) Robert Mugabe might be Zimbabwean President. Or he might not be. It would help if we had the results, but fingers crossed - he may be gone by the end of the year.

8) The England cricket team are slightly inconsistent. But did at least win a Test series overseas for the first time in yonks, which is pleasing.

9) Oldham Athletic are similarly inconsistent. Manager John Sheridan said after losing 3-0 to Swindon (Swindon! of all teams. Words fail me): "I have to bring in players who are consistent — the magic word — and who will play week in, week out. If we are to go anywhere we cannot have players who only perform once a fortnight." The solution, obviously, is to bring in 22 players, and rotate the teams every fortnight. You get a perfect performance every time.

10) And finally....don't let fat rats into electric power stations. Chaos ensues.

Cory

Being oop North I haven't been campaigning in Ealing for the by-election. However, it seems the Tory candidate is doing all the campaigning for me, by donating £4800 at a Labour party fundraising dinner only last month.

No, I don't understand either. Presumably this means Tony Lit is either a) Dishonest [can't have told the selection committee about this, can he?] or b) foolish, or possibly c) unsure; none of which are attributes I'd welcome in a prospective MP.

Nevertheless, the Tory attack-blogs have gone on the case. Take Iain Dale, for instance:

I doubt whether the donation has lost him a single vote. Indeed, the blanket media coverage has raised his profile enormously - his picture is everywhere in today's papers. You could easily argue that the coverage is a boost. Personally, I cannot imagine why any Conservative would want to attend a Labour Party event, but we should remember it was an Asian business 'do', and a media organisation like Sunrise presumably has good reason to be impartial in its political relations.

Of course, if Tony Lit really did have good reason to be impartial in his political relations, I'm not sure standing for Parliament as a Conservative candidate is the best way to go about it. And the picture is of him with Tony Blair, why would that be any good...? Still, defending the indefensible is always a thankless task.

Cory

Submitted to Redbrick Lifestyle

 

 

I like untidiness. Actually, I embrace it. It has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. On my floor at the moment I can see: ring binders, several odd socks, some clothes, a plate, bags, a few books, more clothes, newspapers, even more clothes and my right slipper (but not my left slipper, that’s probably underneath some clothes). As you may have gathered, the natural home for most of my belongings is on the floor. I can’t actually remember the last time I tidied my room, but it was probably some time before the French Revolution. My bedside table has CDs, pens and an alarm clock all clamouring for space. There’s more paper on my desk than in the whole Harry Potter series. And you know the best thing about it? I don’t care.

 

I simply don’t see the point of being tidy. If I’m reading a book in my room, it doesn’t matter how much junk is on my floor. It makes no difference whatsoever to the quality of the book, or how fast I read. After all, I’m more likely to finish the book quicker, because I haven’t spent so much time faffing around tidying up. There are more constructive things to do than worry about the state of my floor. I know the colour of my carpet anyway – it’s navy blue and clashes with the yellow walls – so why would I want to see any more of it?

 

Don’t take the laissez-faire approach to tidying too far, however. For a start, don’t take this “Adam Smith approach” too literally in the kitchen and bathroom. Having clothes on the floor is one thing; growing new species of fungi on your kitchen surfaces is something else entirely. Still, a little mess is almost inevitable, especially in our kitchen in Selly Oak, which is about the size of the average bath.

 

One major obstacle stands in the way of my rather unkempt state of bliss, and that is the infamous, marvellous, unfathomable species known as women. This hardly defies gender stereotype I know – but the simple fact is that no bloke has ever volunteered to tidy my room for me. I fail to see why anyone would want to clean up someone’s room just to make it tidy. Why? Why?? Why????

 

I really don’t know. One excuse seems to be that, “It means you know where things are”. Except I won’t. If you ask where something is and receive the reply, “I tidied it up somewhere”; you will never see it again. At least not this decade. Whereas at the moment I know where everything is – on the floor. What simpler system is there? Plus there is the added thrill of finding something among the mess you’d lost for ages, or forgotten you ever owned.

 

It seems that things have to be tidy, “just because”. Just because of….what? I do detest tidy people imposing their notions of what is good and what is not on the rest of us. Even Anthea bloody Turner is on the bandwagon now, telling everyone how to be a perfect housewife. If anything, that has to be the single most overriding reason for being untidy ever devised.

 

Perhaps being untidy could make you a genius. Beethoven, George Orwell and Sherlock Holmes were three famous untidyites(Yes, Holmes may not be real, but that’s not the point). If that doesn’t convince you, maybe science will. Apparently leaving your bed unmade will make you healthier, as it makes your bed less appealing to dust mites.

 

This principle could be applied further. One of my dad’s friends at university kept a pet rat. This rat, from a species famous for living in inhospitable hellholes like bins, sewers and

Broad Street

, died because of the appalling conditions it was kept in. Maybe, just maybe, you could leave your house so untidy that rats stay away. It must be worth a try.

 

So next time you are told that your room is untidy, just ignore it. Do something useful and constructive – pick your nose or something. Read a book. There’s a whole world out there; experience it rather than tidy up.

Cory

Libby Purves:

The launch of Irn Bru flavoured sausages is a cause for serious celebration.

 

Deep fried Irn-Bru flavoured sausage, anyone?

Cory

 

Ever been told by your parents that if you eat too much you would burst. Well, maybe they were right....

I definitely wouldn't have put money on the snake though. What a strange world we live in.

Cory

From David Osler, the top ten Trotskyist chat-up lines:

(10) You mean you share my critique of Mandel's interpretation of Kondratiev's long wave theory? Wow, we have so much in common!
(9) Let’s get out of here. I know a much cozier little Marxist bookstore downtown.
(8) I bet I can guess your party cadre name.
(7) Sorry, but I just wanted to tell you how stunning you look in that secondhand donkey jacket while carrying a bundle of Socialist Workers under your arm ...
(6) I used to read Trotsky ... but then I drifted.
(5) Is that the Transitional Programme in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
(4) That secondhand donkey jacket of yours would look great on my bedroom floor.
(3) What's a nice girl like you doing in a lousy union fraction like this?
(2) Do you sell papers here often?
(1) So, babe ... just how degenerate would your ideal workers' state be?

Iain Dale has his top ten political chat-up lines (the first in a series, we are led to believe). I especially like number three.

If anyone actually tries one of these, please let us know the results...

Cory